Twitter Tiktok

THE RETROVERSE

A Glitched-Out World of Pixels, Pizza, and Probably Bad Decisions

What is Going On Here?!

This place is insane!

"We’d love to tell you exactly what the Retroverse is, but every time we try, something explodes in 8-bit fire, we lose our last life, and end up respawning next to a hostile vending machine. It’s like trying to explain the plot of Double Dragon to a toaster."
Sean
thinking about that zima commercial
"But every time we think we’re close, a floating cassette tape slaps us across the face, glitches the sky, and resets everything back to 'tutorial mode.' Then it plays the Macarena just to mock us."
Chris
tired of the 8-bit soundtrack
"From what we can piece together (between dodge rolls and Snackzooka blasts), the Retroverse is a neon-glitched wasteland mashed up from every video game, late-night snack, and dad joke we’ve ever loved—plus a few things we’re 94% sure we hallucinated."
Sean
trying to add to his NES instruction booklet collection

Terrain.exe Loading…​

Welcome to the four corners of absolute chaos, also known as the main levels of the Retroverse. We’re not entirely sure how we got here, and honestly, we’re still glitching through most of it, but here’s what we think we know.

Each level is like a weird fever dream crossed with your uncle’s garage after he tried to “fix” the microwave using duct tape and a Nintendo cartridge. Nothing works quite right, snacks are suspiciously sentient, and time moves like your kid when you ask them to clean their room—backwards, slowly, and with dramatic sighs.

404 Forest

Welcome to 404 Forest, where the paths don’t work, the trees move when you’re not looking, and your sense of direction files for early retirement. I’ve been lost here three times today and I haven’t even moved.

Neon City

Neon City’s all flashing lights, busted code, and shady soda machines. We don’t know why selling shirts helps here, but it does. Thanks for keeping the pixels powered. We’ll try not to die.

Arcade Abyss

Arcade Abyss? Yeah, no thanks. It’s like walking into a haunted Chuck E…you know they guy…where the games play you. Everything’s blinking, beeping, and possibly cursed. I lost three lives just looking at a pinball machine.

Snackstorm Alley

Snackstorm Alley is what happens when junk food gains sentience and rage issues. Imagine dodging flaming hot chips while a burrito tornado screams at you. It’s spicy, it’s loud, and I’m still pulling popcorn out of my socks.

Final Warning from the Dads

If you’ve made it this far without glitching, rage-quitting, or being eaten by a sentient churro, congrats. You now know more about the Retroverse than we do.
Sean
Is soup just cereal?
We’re still stuck in here… arguing about save points, fighting emotionally unstable vending machines, and trying to remember if we left the oven on in the real world.
Chris
Do ducks wear pants?
If you see a glowing portal, DO NOT: Touch it. Lick it. Tell Sean about it (he'll definitely lick it!)
Chris
Waffles are just grids.

Help two deeply confused gamer dads survive this pixelated fever dream by:

Buying a shirt (possibly enchanted)
T-Shirt
T-Shirtbuy me
Telling a friend (preferably one with emotional snacks)
Dads
Dads"Check this out!"
Or mailing us batteries, old cheat codes, and maybe a therapist
Shredderoni
Shredderoni"HERE'S RONI!!!"